I Will Never Forget

I wanted to not write about this today. To shake it off this year.  To stay outside and enjoy the sunshine.

The sky is so blue. Just like that other morning.  

I was at work. On the Lower East Side. Once news got around, work stopped and we all - hundreds of us - found ourselves out in the middle of the street watching the towers burn. I remember a couple of parked cars with their radios blaring, the news on (it was, after all, the LES - the old LES). We all stood there, in disbelief, not knowing what to do. Watching.

I remember an intern coming to me, crying. She wanted to call her boyfriend. I brought her inside, into my office. The phones were still working.  She called him and calmed down. And then we went back out to the street and everyone was crying. The first tower had just fallen.

Later, hundreds of people ran in our direction. Covered in ash. Someone had the sense to pull some cases of water and all of the snack food we had in the storage room out. And the first aid kits, too.  Especially those.  

We all spent the rest of the day trying to be useful. Inviting people in. Giving them water and snacks.  Band aids and first aid cream. Letting them use our phones(until they stopped working). So many of the women were bare foot, they’d kicked off their shoes to run.  

And then, later that night, I remember the very long walk home. I remember it feeling good. Like I could’ve walked for days and still never walked off all of the sadness.

It was days before we could return to work. Our neighborhood was sealed off by the National Guard.  And then, when we did return, it was weeks (months? I can’t remember) before our phones worked.  And the smell, each and every day was toxic. The air was poison.  But it was work, and it was what I had to do. Each night I left thankful to live in a different part of town.

These memories are still so vivid. I can’t, actually, imagine them ever fading.  

Anyway, I know that I was lucky that day. I didn’t lose anyone close to me. And I wasn’t right there. Forgive me though, if my memories bring with them a profound sadness.